Anarchic Lady

I am a designer if you think i'm qualified enough. I was suppose to be that inspiring, creative mind filled girl 5years ago but I guess I.T did destroy my brain cells quite a fair bit. Now at this very critical point of my life I decided to make a life changing decision to continue that path of doing what I like to do - design. I then turn into a perfectionst, assuming the role of a picky designer who only picks on its own work.

I thought I was the worst ever, I look at my classmate's design and they are so WOW!!! they have the WOW factor!! Me? I'm just the hey that looks good. I can't belive why I can't get the WOW in my design, I just know now. I was talking to Shirley and she said most of them are on greens when they design, thats why they can always come up with such crazy ideas. And she say I can never make it pass them cause she can never imagine me doing greens or even to hold the bong in my hands. We just laugh this off.

I'm not so bad after all. Did some soul comforting or just lying to myself. Instead of putting my last bit of energy into my assignment. I went on a hunt to find web designers in Singapore. There wasn't much information, apparently not many place their portfolio onto the web, I can't believe they don't design their own website. I found a minority group who does. "If you can find anyone who can do better then me please send me their link" I was so shock to see the standard there. I know where I stand now in Singapore and I am not so depress anymore. I can say that if I do go back I can find a job easy. - I'm still living in my dreams thinking I stand a chance there with 10 thousand people fighting for the same job.

After my submission, I promise I will revamp this blog.

Wait for the link to my portfolio too, I still working on that.

Do not be alarm, this is a standard routine for me only this time it is a little more painful and a little longer. The mind is a really wonderful thing, and the body just does what it's told. This time I decided to live a little longer.

What do you do when you have a heart attack? I went to look it up in google.
- Do no panic.
- Try to remain calm
- Seek help and call the ambulance (if serious)
- If someone is around, make sure they know the situation and be with you

What do you do when someone has a heart attack? (copied reaction of Mr. MIA)
- Try to excite her more
- Move her alot
- Ask her tons of questions when you know she can't answer
- Raise your voice at her to get an answer (be sure to scare her more)
- Get upset and ignore her when she do not respond to you
- Return to doing whatever you were doing before
- Turn your head to look sometimes and see if she is still alive
- If she is still alive it means its not that serious and continue doing whatever

I don't know what triger it, I think its stress by my own problems. I think alot of factor could be due to everything that is currenly weighing on me and there is no one to help me or relieve me. I can assure you Mr. MIA is doing everything he can to not help me.

I have lost all faith, hope and trust in him. You see me smiling - i'm just faking it. His willingness to help others never fail to amaze me. His there everyday to clean, pack and arrange many other stuff but when it comes to home, I guess he just can't be bothered or assumes that I would do it. The statement of the year, No.1 thing to say when you do not want to clean the house "Don't force me can?"

I explain my situation to People in da house. They said I should come home right after I finish school, they even gonna pay for my airticket back. Should I buy a One-way or Return?

I'm gonna move out of this apartment soon. Seriously finding a new place for me and my sis to stay. If you found any nice 2br apt let me know. I really need to move out now.

Seriously there is nothing good going on in my life right now, my luck made a 360 degrees turn and I am still falling deeper into that dark hole. - if u got the heart pull me out of my misery.

"Big bad mouth" I guess you can never run away from a woman's intuition. It happen again, just as I would have imagined it. $800 gone like that, that's only for repairs, not talking about the decrease in value and extra cost. I'm gonna sell it right after I get all the repairs done.


Inn convention is no longer in progress cause I'm done with it. Good part!!

I lost all my other files, have to redo 2 website now. Bad part!!

Due to all tragedy, I can't go to work and have lost our main income. I really don't know how to handle this. The usual me has shut down and wishing for it to all go away when I decide to go away forever.

My self destruction will commence very soon, I swear this time it will be for real. Just let me kill myself.

I'm serious.